What to do when your world is ending

God... I don't know what to do. My husband has decided he no longer loves me or has any desire to work on our marriage. He says he hates me for what I have turned him into, and that I didn't change fast enough for him. I just don't understand how he can throw away 13yrs.

He is bipolar and unmedicated and unwilling to seek help for himself. He thinks his problems can be solved by becoming happy, but doesn't have the slightest inclination as to how he can do this. Well aside from getting rid of me.

Thankfully I have found some online support communities and I realize it's the illness that is talking and not him. It feels so much better knowing I am not alone in this situation. However, it breaks my heart and I start crying uncontrollably at the drop of a hat. I'm crying as I write this. I cry when I realize I will never again hear him call me out of the blue to sing his little song to me to make me laugh.

Wow! It's been a while

I can't believe how long it's been since I've posted!

It's hard keeping up with 3 blogs (this, my research journal one for class, and my book review blog). I am actually spending most of my free time at my book review blog No Rest for the Wicked
There really isn't much going on here to mention, and I haven't had much time to even really ponder very much. I've been getting up super early to go to the gym (I'm down 9.5lbs since June 1) and with school work and stuff that needs to be done around the house, I'm feeling as though I am constantly playing catch up. A few people have mentioned I've been quiet. I guess I don't have all that much to say. It's a bad habit of mine to be so introspective, but sometimes you just can't fight nature.
I've been trying to figure out the best way to approach a delicate situation because I want to get back in touch with someone that I haven't spoken to in a while, but I'm not sure how to go about it since some people may be upset with me for contacting this individual. It's frustrating me, which is leading to inaction. I'm tired of inaction.

Confused and a Little Bit Sad Today

I wrote a whole post rambling about my feelings and my confusion, and I'm not sure if I feel comfortable releasing these thoughts on into the blogosphere. I may post it later, and I may not.

The rug was tugged under me a little last night and it's made me feel confused, sad, worried, and a tiny bit betrayed. I have to put on a happy face and be reassuring and patient and supportive, but damn if I don't feel like withdrawing into myself to protect myself and lick my wounds. I'm so frustrated because I don't deserve this - I feel as though I am getting punished because I'm a convenient target.

Are there goblins in my house?

Because stuff keeps disappearing and it is driving me bananas trying to find them.
First, a packet containing some photos from the 1930's and cards sent to my Meme disappeared. Then my down comforter (which I seldom use), and most recently a book.

The book is especially making me crazy because I set it down and the next day it was gone! And I really wanted to read it.

Recharge and Revitalized

So I'm back from vacation. I had a great time and definitely returned with a new attitude and a new perspective. I really needed that time away to forget about my stresses and just get away.
Classes start tomorrow, and I'm disappointed that the class I posted about earlier was cancelled due to low enrollment, because it means I am going to graduate a semester later than I had wanted to. However, it's probably for the best so that I can have some time to enjoy my summer and get stuff done around the house. Certainly a lot of attention is going to need to be paid to my yard- I haven't even planted my garden yet! Or my annuals!

3.81

So the final grades are posted for the semester: A, A, and A-. I feel pretty good about the results, although to be honest the A- bothered me. I freely admit that I dialed in the final paper, which I would imagine is why I got the A-, but there is something about the minus part that screams booby prize to me. Like I wasn't quite good enough. Still... I finished my first year of grad school while working full time with a 3.81 GPA. Not too shabby.

I'm waiting to find out if one of my 2 classes I'm taking this summer will be cancelled due to low enrollment. I really hope it doesn't get cancelled because it would throw off my carefully laid out course plans. This is one of the classes I'm dreading: Information Science Theory (LSC508)
Course Description
Introduction to the organization, retrieval and analysis of information, and the underlying technologies used to control the manipulation and dissemination of information in library and information settings.

Course Objectives

As a result of this course, you will:

describe and discuss basic theories of information science.
describe and discuss the basic components of a computer system.
discuss the effects of technology in handling information in library and information services.
discuss communication theories and models and apply them in library and information services.
discuss basic theories and techniques of information storage and retrieval.
discuss the components of the Internet and use various tools to search for information on it.
discuss the role of standards in information environments.
identify and discuss possible new directions in the use of technology in information-based settings.

It's going to be a long summer!

Clouds are lifting

I feel like something is changing with me. I don't know if it's the meds kicking in (certainly I do feel more energetic) or me finally being able to let go of a lot of the stress that I've been carrying, but I'm not getting worked up over the smallest thing anymore.
Mike says he's looking for indications that this change is sustainable and not fleeting. I suppose I'm looking for the same thing. I'm taking it day by day and rediscovering myself and the things that I enjoyed doing before surrendering to the anxiety and stress. Before I would spend most of the weekend on the couch napping, watching tv, and doing bare minimum by way chores. This weekend I got up early to do some cemetery research alone, went to the used bookstore, and spent 3 hours at Lowes with Mike. That never would have happened before - I would be grumpy and my feet would hurt and I would be bored. So there's progress, at least I see it.